When I Feel the Most Loved


Marketing myself has always felt wrong and ‘off’ to me. I’ve studied enough psychology and looked inside myself enough to know it likely comes from an upbringing (not uncommon) where seeking any kind of attention was shamed. And from societal expectations that people (women in particular) are supposed to be humble and demure and not laud their own accomplishments. I don’t like asking for attention. I still rarely do it. Hell, I really only do it now because now that I’ve actually found a voice through writing, I don’t want to just be screaming into the void. Someone has to read it. So I have to promote myself to a degree to find readers. I’ll probably never like doing it though.

Anyway, I came across this prompt question: When do you feel the most loved?
Well, the answer to that is easy. It’s whenever/however someone shows or tells me they were thinking about me without me having to assert myself. That takes wildly varied forms, but essentially, that’s when I feel the most loved.
When J texts me from work during the day, ‘How’s it going?’ or even when he sends me some task that needs to get done that day on text. When he moves from ‘his’ chair to sit closer to me on the couch, or pulls me closer to him in bed at night. When he handles something he knows causes me anxiety.
When friends send me pictures or videos or song lyrics or whatever and say, ‘This made me think about you.’ Or actually, they don’t even need to say that overtly. Just the sending lets me know.
When a friend texts me first to say hi or check on me or share good news or ask for reassurance/advice/whatever.
When people find, know, remember, and respect my boundaries. Like…J knows phone calls stress me out. He could call me every day, but he texts instead. My best friend lives far away, and I love the sound of her voice, but SHE knows I don’t handle phone calls well, so we text. 

Maybe this isn’t a sexy or romantic answer. But it’s an honest one.
I feel the most loved when people think about me, without me having to wave a flag at them and jump up and down and shout and constantly repeat myself and invite myself into their lives to get or keep their attention. I feel the most loved when I don’t have to ask for it.

(Image from Medium; User Psychology)

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