Real Vows

So I said I was going to write about love songs for the next bit of time between now and Valentine’s Day, and today I’m going to write about a song that’s maybe silly, but to me, sounds like a list of wedding vows. Real ones.

We’ve all seen countless real and fictional accounts of wedding vows. They’re all formal sounding promises about love and fidelity through good times and bad, and of course I’m not knocking them. I’m obviously a big fan of love and fidelity through good times and bad. But now that I’ve actually BEEN married for a while, and lived in a committed relationship in the real world for 15 years, I know that wedding vows gloss over some real life things with poetic language. I mean, I’m also a big fan of poetic language, particularly in songs, but…well…I just love the humorous, quirky REALNESS in the lyrics of The Twizzler Song by Jake Speed and the Freddies.


(I promise this is a love song. It was even played as the first dance song at a wedding J and I attended.)

For those of you who don’t hear lyrics in songs well (I’m married to That Guy, so I know. He can hear a slightly loose screw on the passenger side door of a car moving in traffic with the radio up…but he can’t pick out song lyrics), I’m transcribing them here…

If you caught on fire, then I’d put you out with a bucket of water.
And if you slipped in mud, then I’d let you borrow a towel or something.
And if your back was sore, of course, I’d surely give you a doctor’s phone number.
And if you grew horns, I’d ignore them, but never ignore…YOU.

If you were sunburned, I wouldn’t say you looked like a lobster.
And if I bought Twizzlers, I’d offer you like one or two.
And if someone called you a hussy, I’d tell ’em to shove it.
And if you missed the bus, I’d miss you more than before you were missing

Other girls burn. They need water too.
But they’ll have to fry. This bucket’s for you.
Other girls want a Twizzler or two.
But they’ll have to starve, ’cause my Twizzlers
Are only for you.
Only for you…only for you…only for you.
D-do-do-do…only for you.
I bought some Twizzlers. D-do-do-do.
I’ll probably give ya like one or two.
D-do-do-do…only…for you.

If you swallowed a fly, I don’t know why you’d swallow a fly,
But I promise you, if you liked Hanson, I’d dance with you to
Mmmbop…bop bop…mmmbop…bop bop…mmmbop…bop bop…
Mmmbop…shooby dooby dop bop…
Mmmbop…bop bop…mmmbop…bop bop…mmmbop…bop bop…
If you wanted to see The Full Monty again, I’d go with you naked.
And if I only had one letter to choose…it’d be U.

Other girls long to dance to Mmmbop.
But these dancin’ shoes are only for you.
And other girls only want someone to screw.
But this screwball will only screw with you.
Only with you.
Only with you…only with you.


For those of you who have read my Building Series…this is Sam and Tina’s first dance song. I can’t honestly imagine any other song would fit them better. So now you guys know that.

Thanks for reading my silliness. The Building Series is still on sale for another day at $.99/ebook copy.

2 thoughts on “Real Vows

  1. You made me laugh! Thank you

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love this song. That’s real love when you’ll dance to mmmbop. 😅😅😅


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