Novelty, Relief, and Permanence

In December, I wrote a whole bunch about when I met J, and all of the feelings that went along with that, because December is the month in which we met. You can scroll down through the hundred posts I’ve made here and find them if you want to read thousands of words about me gushing about J. And I wrote this piece about how strange but palliative it still feels to be in love with J…to be loved by J…the way J loves me.

When I met him, I know it’s corny, but everything felt brand new. But also? Everything felt comfortable. THAT was weird. That everything felt comfortable. Because I am so rarely comfortable with other people, and I’d never been *immediately* comfortable with another person before (and only once since, for that matter), not even a friend. J didn’t even say anything particularly disarming. He’s actually a man of few words in general, and he always has been. But he’s…just relieving.
And he still jokes with me when I say this (‘Oh, BULL...’), but it’s true…I knew J was a permanent fixture in my life the very first time I saw him in person.
Meeting J was somehow this weird mixture of novelty, relief, and permanence.

So the featured love song I’m thinking about today is the song I used to listen to on my father’s stereo when I was a little girl and he’d let me into his record collection, and it was the song totally stuck in my head the entire drive home from our first date. It’s a folk/country/bluegrass song written by Patrick Alger, Bill Dale, and Fred Koller called Goin’ Gone. My favorite performance of it (because it’s the one I listened to on my dad’s old records) is Nanci Griffith’s.

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Here are the lyrics for the Lyrically Impaired:

There’s a lighthouse in the harbor
Giving guidance with its light
But I had no one to return to

As I wandered through the night

From the first time that I saw you
Standing silent by the shore
I knew my search was over

And I would look for love no more

Deep in the waters of love I am falling

Sinking like a stone
Deep in my heart I can hear love callin’
Goin’ once, goin’ twice, goin’ gone
Goin’ once, goin’ twice, goin’ goneThere’s a ship on the horizon

Makin’ its way against the wind
From the place where I stand watching

I swear my ship is coming in.

Deep in the waters of love I am falling
Sinking like a stone
Deep in my heart I can hear love callin’
Goin’ once, goin’ twice, goin’ gone
Goin’ once, goin’ twice, goin’…
Deep in the waters of love I am falling
Sinking like a stone
Deep in my heart I can hear love callin’
Goin’ once, goin’ twice, goin’ gone
Goin’ once, goin’ twice, goin’ gone
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This song with its lighthouse and ‘ship at sea coming in’ metaphors just captures all of the things I felt for J when I met him, standing silent at this bland, chain restaurant in a snow storm. And I still feel those things for him: novelty, relief, and permanence.

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