Finding J to me was like finding a four leaf clover. (I’ve only ever found one of those in my life too.)
Where I live, there’s clover everywhere in the spring and summer (and fall until it gets cold). It makes up most of our yard, because we aren’t the ‘kill things’ kind of people. But in that sea of clover, four leaf ones are really hard to find. They’re there. They aren’t even hiding. But they get lost in the abundance of the kind of clover you aren’t looking for. Finding one is lucky. Because they’re so rare and customarily hard to see. I went out with a bunch of three leaf clovers before I met J. And I still remember the first time I saw him (not in person…just a photograph on a website) and thinking, ‘Look at that. He’s a four leaf clover.’ I remember feeling lucky immediately.
I still feel lucky.
Thursday will be the sixteenth Valentine’s Day J and I spend together, and I still feel like I hit a jackpot every day, having him be my partner. The first Valentine’s Day we were together, J gave me a necklace. I’d have thought it was too much from any other man. We’d only been together about eight weeks. No other man had given me anything more than flowers or candy from a grocery store, and from those guys…those three leaf clover guys…THOSE things felt like too much. But J gave me jewelry. He was the gem…he was the pearl inside the oyster…he was the gold in the stream…but he gave ME jewelry, so that gift was just…stunning. It wasn’t the expense or the shiny, sparkly gift itself (I’m really not even a jewelry girl), it was J’s emphatic statement of commitment. That effort and…boldness. That was an unmistakable way for him to show me how serious he was about me already and I was floored. He gave me something durable and permanent…something that wouldn’t wilt or die…something that wouldn’t be consumed. Again…I just remember thinking, ‘How’d I get so lucky?’
I’ve written 11 novels now, and even more short work, and I’m working on more fiction, and I write REAL stuff about J here every day and I tell him to his face as often as I can how much I love him and how lucky I feel that I’m his wife. That he picked me. That I found him. He’s a four leaf clover of a find and I know it. But even with ALL of those words, I’m still kind of in the same place Ben Folds sings about in The Luckiest.
“I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you.”
I am so incredibly fortunate that J is the man in my life. I’m the luckiest.