J and I took a long family vacation together in June. It was an almost-cross-country excursion in our motorhome.
We were together virtually all day, every day for 23 days in a row. Although we’d been together nearly fifteen years, and we’ve never been too far apart, that was the most consistent, consecutive time we’ve ever spent together. For the vast majority of the time on our trip, we were also with our son and our dog, but J and I were *always* together.
We experienced a lot together over those 23 days. We drove for thousands of miles. I went dozens of places I’d never been before, and back to Disneyland, which I’m still in awe I’ve been to once. I met long distance friends for the first time, which is a big deal for me, but it’s easier when J’s with me. We were on the road together for weeks, in new places and doing new things. A fair amount of people in my life warned me that all of this newness and change and action and closeness may cause or reveal trouble in our relationship. But it didn’t.
I have a good friend, probably the only close friend I see on a regular basis, who left on a six day trip with her family the Sunday after we got back. She sent me a text on day two of her trip that she was already ready to come home; that Friday couldn’t get here soon enough. She implied she couldn’t even survive the type of trip we took, much less enjoy it.
J went back to work on that next Monday, and that was a really tough day. Definitely for me, but perhaps for both of us. Tuesday was tough too, honestly. We spent Tuesday night alone since our boy went to stay with my parents, as everyone was off for the July 4 holiday. We didn’t do much on that day off; some minor housework and watched television on the couch. I loved spending the day that way though. And the next day was better, but…still not great. It was a gradual recovery from having all that time close together as a family and all that uninterrupted time with J.
My friend couldn’t believe I was still feeling a let down (and it was a physical let down…I was tired and unmotivated and sad…all I really wanted to do is sleep that week after J went back to work) for a week or more because our (much longer and more involved than hers) trip was over.
Traveling with J was amazing, but I don’t need to travel and see things I’ve never seen, or go out to some one of a kind event or special place or even have a lot of ‘alone’ time with J to enjoy spending time with him. We just got home from a shorter RV trip, and considering we just lost our dog, it was pretty great, but I also know I’ll be very sad when it’s totally over again.
I’ll be ok and everything. I know J has to get back to work; that we have to get back to our normal family routine, which is going to be sort of a new normal now without our doggo. I love our normal family routine though. And I don’t ‘need’ to be around J 24/7, but I’d like to be. And I could be. I like that I’d like to be around him all the time. I don’t like being around other people much, usually, but I do like being around J. All the time.
And it was nice to see some concrete proof that I could be…that we can be together for all of that time and still like each other; still want to be around each other.
I don’t need to be treated to special things to enjoy J’s company, and I don’t need him constantly around to feel secure.
I just like him.
I like being around him.
I can’t get enough.