A Willing Ear

Our family vacation was only a couple of weeks ago, but it already feels like it was a lifetime ago. Like it was maybe a dream that wasn’t even real. I know it was though.

Today, I’m going to write about our trip again, because I’ve been a bit weighed down with obligation and writing an extremely tough project to completion. It wore me out. The Boy has all of his Yearly Check Up medical and dental…stuff…coming up and I am not the biggest fan of doctor visits, even when I know (or am at least reasonably sure) there’s nothing wrong with him. Plus my brother’s wedding is right around the corner now…barely more than a week away. So…you know…the obligation isn’t slowing at all for the immediate future. And I kind of want to mentally travel back to vacation for a bit this morning.

I’m normally a quiet person. I don’t talk much. I’ve always been that way, but oddly, I never really noticed it about myself until J pointed it out to me the first time we went out together with a group of my ‘friends’ (work colleagues…but I mean…they were friends at the time). See, with J, I’m not quiet, and I never really have been, so it surprised him at how I just ‘went silent’ when I was with a group of other people. And I do. I go silent in groups. Every time. And I am even almost silent when I’m one on one with most other people. I listen, but I don’t say much of anything. So I’m the weird girl at the party who is on the periphery of conversations…I’m the mom at the field trip or soccer game who is not joining in with the other parents…I’m the quiet person at the dinner table. I’m quiet. Even with J, normally, most of what I say comes at him in writing. We text a lot. I can and DO talk to J though. And our son. But those are really almost always the only people I speak with out loud at any sort of length.


I mentioned that one of the places we stopped on our trip (one of the main stops) was Disneyland. We were ACTIVE at Disneyland. In three days, we rode over 60 rides, ate at 5 themed restaurants and saw a parade and a show and three sets of fireworks. We walked over ten miles each those three days. We spotted one celebrity. I had my photo taken with Daisy Duck and Pluto, and we saw MANY other characters. We shopped. We looked through art galleries. We *did things.* Lots of things. Fun things.


But my favorite part of Disneyland was meeting up with A.
That was magical. She is from an area of California that warrants her family to get passes to Disneyland. That’s their local amusement park. So, for five glorious hours one day of our trip, A was with me. J, The Boy, A, and I rode three rides all together and ate lunch together. And then, I temporarily split up from J and The Boy and for a couple of hours, I just hung out with A. Just the two of us. We are long distance, but A is my best friend. I feel that in my soul. But that was the first ever time we ever hung out together…just the two of us. (And it was at DISNEYLAND. Like that place needed to get more magical. Or like A needed go get more magical. Right? But…I mean, seriously. That’s what happened.)

I talked a lot. (I don’t think I said ‘too much’ or dominated the conversation with A, but maybe I did. She’s still talking to me, regardless, which I’m grateful for).
I didn’t really notice how much I had talked until A had to leave for home when we had to get hours more rides, etc. crammed in. When you travel 2000 miles for 3 days at Disneyland, you have to really make it count, whereas, when you kind of live down the street, you go home for dinner because you’ve already eaten at Toy Story’s Pizza Planet 86 times. I knew I talked a lot though, because I went hoarse for the following 4 days.


J asked if I was feeling poorly, and I wasn’t. I wasn’t in pain. I didn’t feel ‘sick’ coming on. My voice was just…very weak and raspy. “I wonder what’s causing that…” I said. Naively. J knew why. I probably talked out loud more in those 5 hours with A than I have maybe EVER in my LIFE before that. Or since (but it’s only been less than a month, so…who knows…maybe I’ll go hoarse talking to A again sometime in the future…I hope I don’t annoy her eventually to where she wants me to shut up).

I’m not quiet with A. Like J, she makes me feel safe and not judged for what I say, and that is SO RARE. And, like J, she seems to *want* to hear what I have to say, which is EVEN MORE RARE. I talked myself hoarse with A. That’s never happened to me before. Not even with J. But I mean, I’ve gotten to spread out the talking with J daily for going on 16 years, and I just got a few hours with A (so far).

So yeah. I’m quiet. I’m going to lunch today with The Boy and my mom and my aunt, and then to weekly dinner at my parents’ house this evening, and I won’t go to bed hoarse. I’ll probably barely say anything. And next weekend, my kid brother will get married, and I’ll be in a big crowd of people…my family and his in-laws…for several hours, and I won’t come home hoarse. I might even be completely silent for most of that.
But I’ll talk myself hoarse when I have a willing ear to listen to me. And I’m really grateful for that. For her. (Maybe it’s odd to be grateful for a time I lost my voice, but…I am.) ❤

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