Don’t Be Cruel

Someone sent me this post on another social media/blog format.

And it inspired me to write this one. I could have just written this without that link, but I think what I’m going to say makes more sense with the context, and I sort of wanted to credit the person who inspired me to write this with the inspiration.

About 8 or 9 years ago (WOW…it’s been a WHILE that I’ve been seriously writing long form fiction now), before I self-published anything, I worked up the courage to share some first drafts of love stories with some old friends who were also writers/wannabe writers. They were all men. All of them had kind things to say about the things I shared with them…they liked my dialogue (…’This feels like real, actual conversation…’). They liked my character development. (‘I feel like I know these people…’ ‘I want to hang out with these people in real life…’)
What they didn’t like was the lack of ‘suffering’ my main characters did.

I’ve written a couple other posts here about my writing style:

Writing Strong Characters
Unconventional Editing

And I’ve mentioned that I don’t like a lot of tropes in romance writing. Maybe I’ll write an entire post about love and death sometime.

I don’t write manufactured theatrics into my love stories, and that is because in MY personal romantic fantasies (and hell, in my personal fantasy universe), love (and people) are NOT long-suffering and in constant pain and anguish and turmoil until they die. That’s not MY ideal relationship or way to live. When I’m escaping reality, problems get solved and emotions get expressed without violence and cruelty. I don’t need an outlet for my pent up rage. That’s not why I write. I need an outlet for the excess love I long to give away; for the friendships I want to grow; for the families I want to nurture.

I reject performative cruelty. I embrace kindness and love and open, vulnerable communication. I don’t think love is more evident in suffering and strife and death. I don’t think violence is an escape.


Kindness and love are my chosen form of rebellion and fantasy. I escape into radical kindness and supportive love. I don’t think that makes me or the stories I create weak.


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