Finding J to me was like finding a four leaf clover. (I’ve only ever found one of those in my life too.)
Where I live, there’s clover everywhere in the spring and summer (and fall until it gets cold). It makes up most of our yard, because we aren’t the ‘kill things’ kind of people. But in that sea of clover, four leaf ones are really hard to find. They’re there. They aren’t even hiding. But they get lost in the abundance of the kind of clover you aren’t looking for. Finding one is lucky. Because they’re so rare and customarily hard to see. I went out with a bunch of three leaf clovers before I met J. And I still remember the first time I saw him (not in person…just a photograph on a website) and thinking, ‘Look at that. He’s a four leaf clover.’ I remember feeling lucky immediately.
I still feel lucky.
Today is the seventeenth St. Patrick’s Day J and I spend together, and I still feel like I hit a jackpot every day, having him be my partner.
The first Valentine’s Day we were together, J gave me a necklace. I’d have thought it was too much from any other man. We’d only been together about eight weeks. No other man had given me anything more than flowers or candy from a grocery store, and from those guys…those three leaf clover guys…THOSE things felt like too much. But J gave me jewelry. He was the gem…he was the pearl inside the oyster…he was the gold in the stream…but he gave ME jewelry, so that gift was just…stunning. It wasn’t the expense or the shiny, sparkly gift itself (I’m really not even a jewelry girl), it was J’s emphatic statement of commitment. That effort and…boldness. That was an unmistakable way for him to show me how serious he was about me already and I was floored. He gave me something durable and permanent…something that wouldn’t wilt or die…something that wouldn’t be consumed. Again…I just remember thinking, ‘How’d I get so lucky?’
I’ve written 15 novels now, and even more short work, and I’m working on more fiction, and I write REAL stuff about J here fairly often and I tell him to his face as often as I can how much I love him and how lucky I feel that I’m his wife. That he picked me. That I found him. He’s a four leaf clover of a find and I know it. But even with ALL of those words, I’m still kind of in the same place Ben Folds sings about in The Luckiest.
“I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you.”
I am so incredibly fortunate that J is the man in my life. I’m the luckiest.
I wrote that section more than a year ago, but I still mean all of it. ^^^^^^^
And today, I’m going to write about more things I feel really lucky to have.
I’m lucky my family is in a financial position to be able to survive this next few weeks with limited income potential. I’m lucky we have more than enough. I’m lucky that we can find ways to give to people who might not. People in our community who are struggling. Patronizing small local businesses however we can to try and help them stay afloat.
I’m lucky my son can easily handle online learning and non-traditional instruction. I’m lucky we can afford to ‘replace’ the field trips he’s missing out on in this next couple weeks at sometime in the future as a family, when all of this (hopefully) normalizes. (Fingers crossed for soon.)
I’m lucky that we’re all healthy people, usually.
I’m lucky that I can still contact my friends through text messaging and email and phone and video calls if I want to, because I have at-home strong signaled internet access.
I’m lucky to have plenty of books and streaming services and to write instead of sitting in worry all the time.
I’m lucky that none of us really go out all that much anyway, so this shift to staying home all the time isn’t really a shift for us.
I truly am one of the luckiest people in the world. I wanted to openly recognize that today.
Happy St. Patrick’s Day if you’re into that. I know this isn’t the best of times, and a lot of fun has been limited or canceled that St. Patrick’s Day is usually all about. Bars and parades and all that. But I’m still trying to live with as much gratitude and optimism and intention as I can, even though it seems there’s not a lot of cheerfulness to be found lately, and maybe I’m looked down upon, ridiculed, or resented for trying to maintain some happiness and contentment and thankfulness anyway.
Regardless of what the world looks and feels like right now…
My ancestors are Scottish and German, but I still mean all of these. ❤